Are you good at having difficult conversations? You know, the ones that can hurt people’s feelings or criticize widely held sacred cows? Yeah, me either!
I have to have those conversations daily. And so does every leader. So, how can we make them better?
First, have a plan. I always unload my rough notes out of my head as long before the conversation as possible. Then I can add, subtract, and refine the things that make the points tighter and more coherent. Going cold (or worse…heated!) into a tough conversation is almost always a bad idea.
Second, think through the flow of the conversation. As part of the plan, think about the optimal flow to introduce your points and concerns. Think about how to flow through each point, and how the hierarchy of things you need to get across affects what’s heard and how it’s received. Make sure you don’t subjugate your main points to others. These considerations are critical to the success and effectiveness of your discussion.
Finally, ask lots of questions. In the conversation, reflect back the things you are seeing and hearing that are your points of concern. Keep each of those brief and follow them up with a question or two to help you understand the other party’s perspective. As you gather more information, soften or strengthen your upcoming points and arguments from your plan. Stay in the moment and continue to reflect on what you see and hear with questions.
Let me be clear: none of these things are going to make the conversation any easier or more fun. They might increase your chances of making your point effectively, and they’ll very likely increase your self-confidence going into the conversation.
But tough conversations are always going to be, well…tough.
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