What if, for one day, one full day, you only started your responses to others with a question?
I recently suggested this to a client. To reduce an unconscious, habitual response of solving others’ problems that was creating unhealthy codependency, bottlenecking decisions, and burnout, I suggested that this person go one entire day with the rule “make your first response a question”. We even identified a specific question: how would you like to handle this?
This strikes me as a fascinating exercise. We all talk too much and talk about ourselves too much: what we would do, how someone should handle something, and how we’ve successfully navigated similar situations in the past. But this approach robs the other party of their agency in leading the solution, recognizing their ownership of their own problem-solving abilities (and ultimately their own destinies), and trying to solve the problems themselves in future instances.
What if we all tried this? Jokingly, I suppose if we all did, we’d all just be asking questions all day, but seriously, what if you shifted your default response when someone comes at you with a problem to, “How would you like to handle this?”
At first, you’re likely to be met with a long, confused pause. Let it ride. Then, possible solutions will be proposed. Instead of immediately saying, “yes, do that” (or worse, proposing your own solution, squashing the proposal), ask more questions. Follow the thread and keep asking questions that lead the other party to own their role in solving the problem. Then broaden this approach beyond just problems.
Questions, questions, questions. The leader’s greatest tool. But, honestly, all our greatest tool.
Jim Collins presented advice to young people once that asked, “What is your questions-to-statements ratio, and can you double it?” That’s true power. That’s true leadership. That’s truly empowering others.
For all of us, especially me, let’s try a few more questions today. And then again tomorrow and the next.
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